Just thinking back

On the eve of traveling to Cincinnati for tests and procedures, I've been thinking back to the ultrasound that took place on February 1. The tech that we had was from our own doctor's office - I'm pretty sure she did the ultrasounds for Daylia a couple years back. We ended up having a good conversation with her - not only about our ultrasound but also about her job and how difficult it would be to see sad results while sitting with expectant parents.

And as I watched the twins interact, as I saw seemingly elbow the other one, as they moved and kicked and caused the tech fits, I had this thought enter my mind: is it possible to love these children when they're just 19 weeks along? And not just to love - but to cherish, to delight in, to have my heart skip a beat as I watch them?

The answer is yes.

Because, just minutes later, we heard from the doctor that there were "concerns." And the first thought of these girls having some kind of difficult made my heart sink. Hearing more difficult news - about TTTS - on February 16 made my heart tremble. Knowing - since Thursday - that three of my favorite girls in the world will have to undergo a procedure has caused my heart to fear a bit. If anything were to go wrong - we pray this won't be so - my heart would break.

So as we wait and go through another gamut of tests before the hopes of a successful surgery... we also pray. Because it IS possible to love these children four months before their due date. And not just to love - but to cherish, to delight in, to have my heart skip a beat as I watch them.

Because they're my girls.